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Tuesday, 12 August 2008

  • Currently Listening
    All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone
    By Explosions in the Sky
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    Idols and Landmarks

    How long would it take us to recognize the landmarks of our own life? Is it someting that we need to see retrospectively or can we recognize the entirity of their influence on us the moment we experience them? We may not be able to see their completeness or totality of influence in order to have a meaningful experience, but there is something that time allows to present itself in each situation. Looking back we can see those things that changed us becuase somehow they are still present within us. They have life in our memories and life in the actions we take daily. Looking out at the lights miles away, we can still feel their warmth Or is it the fact that we know someone is at that light and remember the warmth we felt with them A drink or a stain that you shared with them. I think that experiences lend themselves to us everyday, we need to take them for what they are. We've forgotten that people really mean the most in this world. Not the latest widget that you bought or the TV show that you saw last night. Is there a generation that got it right? Could there be?

Tuesday, 15 April 2008

  • Currently Watching
    Nine Inch Nails Live - Beside You in Time [Blu-ray]
    By Allesandro Cortini, Josh Freese, Aaron North, Trent Reznor, Jeordie White
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    He walked to the shades and drew them closed.  The light had begun to peek into the room as the sun went down and it hurt his eyes.  He lay down on the carpet and looked at the tiny circles that had been woven into the nylon mesh.  He felt the harsh abrasive nature of the wiry textile push into his face and run through his fingers.  His palms began to itch from the sensation and it began to spread throughout his entire body.  He tried to scratch every single spot that screamed for his fingernails.  It wasn't enough.  He got up from the floor and ran to the kitchen and grabbed the scrub pad from under the sink. It was caked with old dried food that he had scraped from his dishes.  It felt good but he couldn't reach the center of his back.  He dropped the pad and went to the drawer where he kept his silverware.  He grabbed a fork and started to scratch his back.  He could feel that he was digging into his skin, but he didn't care.  He started to feel liquid running onto his hand.  He drew his hand up to his face and saw that there were pieces of his flesh in the tines of the fork.  His blood was trickling down to his elbow and he could smell the iron and salt that this red, alien, liquid emitted.  He realized that as the blood left his body it was no longer a part of him.

    The itching started again and he dropped the fork.  He went to the cupboard and grabbed his cheese grater. He began to run it over his arm.  It helped relieve the tingle but every time he pulled back the grater would get stuck and he would have to pull harder to free it from his skin.  He grabbed a serrated knife from the drawer and began to run it over the backs of his hands.  The blood started to pool on the floor around him and while the sight terrified him he began to have clarity of thought.  To get rid of the itch he had to get rid of the organ that produced it.  He started to cleave off his skin.  He felt like screaming but the pleasure was so great that he could only moan. 

    His flesh fell in hunks onto the floor, but the itching persisted.  He whittled himself down further and further.  His body began to crumble around him.  The itch would not go away.  It was his brain that was the problem. A problem that needed a solution. He knew that he did not have enough time left to solve it, but spent the last agonizing moments racking his brain and sifting through the files of information that could have relevance. Nothing helped. He died, in heap on his kitchen floor, frustrated.

Thursday, 28 February 2008

  • Just as the watermark had dissolved off the page of  indictment we noticed that there would be no turning back from the haste and speed that had defined our youth.  Before we were allowed to reclaim the safety of our modern dystopia we slipped a toe into the warmth of that splendid and sordid youth.  There were nights where the alcohol and nicotine had risen so high that we were unable to escape their grasps and struggled against the tides of loose tongues.  We had said things that we could never take back, and would never want to, because they had been the defining moments of our childhood. 

    I had only to look into that mirror as the water dripped off my freshly shaved visage to realize that those dreams and promises of friendship would take me the rest of my life to uphold.  As the drips hit the surface and coalesced into little spiral shapes I wondered if I would be sucked down into those black holes of oblivion when the end finally took hold.  A sense of purpose and duty made dripping noises that pulsed up and down in the plugged sink.

    We had finally done it.  We had erased the past and created the future.  It was not what any of us had wanted, but it was what we all needed.  A sense of shrewd perspective to shake us out of malaise and build us into what we had hated and despised.  But there was hope.  Hope for another day. When we would be allowed to shade in that unsung and unrequited pleasure of those hedonistic, formative years.

    But time and temperance raced back in a flash, making that whooshing sound they use in the movies when they snap back to the extreme close-up of the man looking at himself in the mirror.  Staring into the eyes that had once been filled with youthful exuberance, now a shade of hazy gray and blue.  Slowly a twinge of sparkle arose from the depths of the blackness, a new and surprising thing.  He hesitated to blink because he thought it might vanish.  It was so beautiful that he began to tear and weep, but he knew that the weeping was not for himself.  It was for the lives he would ruin along the way to making those promises last.



Thursday, 21 February 2008

  • Within the minstrel moans and above the folded homes
    We have become more that then which was cloned.

    She was washed with the whimsical wasps
    And a faint whisper asked her to become lost.
    She awoke to find that which she had known in ruin
    Built and dismantled beyond the pale of that which was strewn

    The lies had assembled themselves around the truths she built
    and a sword fight and competition she struggled at the hilt

    A push before the edge at last
    Had ruined her, and so a cask
    They built around the dunes
    Dried and severed limbs they'd strewn

    With her last breath she moaned an answer
    To love those that had hurt, she became a dancer
    Around they cask they ceased to build
    And her emotion failed to fill

    The lies had assembled themselves around the truths she built
    and a sword fight and competition she struggled at the hilt

    Where had she gone so wrong
    Failed to do what she had done.


  • Currently Listening
    Frances the Mute
    By The Mars Volta
    Cygnus...Vismund Cygnus
    see related
    There are those that have thought that they can exist on their own. They have been proven wrong so many times that it is impossible to count. We all need someone. While Nietzsche may say that we pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps, he doesn't say that we will be happy forever doing so. We may improve and we may better ourselves, but will we ever truly be happy?

    The simple answer is no. We need one another and we need to understand that there is no way that we can live, not survive, without others.  We rely on them for any number of things, not including companionship.

    I have searched for those that understand what I am saying by searching for the strongest of those that exist. They feel that they need no one else, but they will prove themselves wrong.

    I rest my case.

    Craig

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